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Choir jokes

Here are some choir jokes I received recently. I thought they were humorous, so I thought I would post them for your enjoyment.

CHORAL MUSIC TERMS

TONIC: A smooth liquid generally enjoyed over ice after a choir rehearsal.

DOMINANT: In a choral relationship, usually the alto.

AUGMENTATION: Delicate surgery for altos involving the implantation of falsettos.

LEITMOTIF: Like a regular motif, but less filling.

SCORE: Basses 8, Tenors 0

RIFF: What happens when someone takes your choir robe.

CONTRALTO: An alto who has been convicted of a felony.

POLYCHORAL MOTET: Six Parrots singing Exultate Justiâ.

ALEATORIC MUSIC: Music composed by random selection of pitches and rhythms. Frequently found in the choir anthem.

BASSO CONTINUO: When the conductor can’t get the fools to stop singing.

CASTRATO: The highest male voice (some alteration required)

ETUDE: What comes right before the Beatitudes.

CONCERTO GROSSO: Accordion concert

GLISSANDO: What directly precedes the highest note of the soprano part.

POLONAISE: A condiment frequently put on a parrot sandwich

SMORZANDO: The All-You-Can-Eat buffet at Luciano’s

GRAND PAUSE: When the conductor loses his place

CANTUS FIRMUS: A singer in good physical condition (as opposed to the
Cantus phlabbious)

ANTIPHONAL: Leaving your answering machine off all of the time.

SACKBUTT: A choral singer over 65

CHORALE PARTITAS: Small choir get-togethers that are frequently interrupted by the police.

PHANTASIE: An alto in a black leather choir robe.

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March 4, 2008 - Posted by | Humor

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